The One.. By: Shawna

She makes me feel free and amazing. When she touches me. Just the slightest touch i can feel the love she has for me. Im a rose in ful bloom taking on the elements to keep our love strong. I love her so much. do i dare say to death. I always want to make sure she is safe and ok.  She is my love. And my drug of choice.

She makes me smile and laugh so much. i havent laughed in so long. It feels good inside. Things have been amazing since she came into my life. she is my personal secret. Hidden away from the rest of the world. I think i like it that way. Im greedy.

DC... By: Shawna

The way she touches me, feels oh so good.
She makes me feel mmmm.
I love it..
Age is nothing but a number they say.
And it is so true.
Has splits like me, and cant help but love you.
You just get me, and i love that.
So much like me.
In big and little ways.
I feel so many things for you.

XOXO Sweets

Desire Me! By: Lillith

As I let my feelings flow. I let her go. She's been heavy on my mind for months now. And i wonder do you ever think of me anymore? I wonder if you want me. Crave me, need me or even desire me. I long to fulfill your longing for me. My longing for you. Your the one I desire and crave. Im longing for your taste. Oh please dont make me wait.

Our Love....By: Lillith

Your a god. Ment to be. We are. We could fly fast and free. With our wings we fly. We fly to our paradise. No more trouble and pain. Just you and I. Together forever. We won't need any money. Just our love will help us survive. Quick and clean will be our getaway. To a far away land. Where we can both stay.

Pure Rage....By:Ski

The anger builds.

I am running on overload.

I could kill in the night.

I am not your average girl next door.

I spit fire if I want to.

Uncontrolled,Untamed.

My eyes blood red from the pain.

Time goes by and it goes without me.

Anger overwhelms.

Voices screaming in my head.

Dreams, bloody dreams.

I have fallen hard.

Blood and guts everywhere.

I cry out for help.

No one can hear me.

No one cares.

Blind to my future, consumed by my past.

Anger overcomes me.

I want to be in a happy place.

I wake up screaming and crying in the night.

But yet IM dreaming,a dream of a dream.

revenge I crave, as I do blood.

revenge is the goal.

Consumed by the source.

I hate to feel this way, pain I hate.

revenge I love.

How Dose it Seem....By: Shawna

How does it seem that our hands fit perfectly together.

Why do our lips fit together.

Why do my hands fit perfectly on any part of her body.

Is it fate?

Is it my future at an arms length?

Have i found the one?

Happiness is knocking at my door again.

But is it real?

Can i trust it?

Afriad of pain once again.

But she makes me so happy.

Future comes to mind every second we are together.

I love her touch.

I crave it.

I want her.

But i cant have her.

And it pains me.

I wish i could, it would make me happy.

Happy once again.

I Never Thought.....By: Shawna

I never thought about it.

I said never again.

I never thought three simple words could make me feel this way again.

This way of happiness and joy.

A warm fuzzy feeling i can nolonger denie.

I can let it out or let it shine.

I am so very scared.

I hide the reason why.

Being hurt again, in the back of my mind.

My fingers are bleeding and so are my arms.

Heart like ice but full of love.

I cringe inside at these three words.

The pain i hide boils to the surface.

I never thought it would happen again.

This warm feeling from those three words.

Swept off my feet but afraid to fall.

Those three words i can say....

But they scare the hell out of me.

Body twitching, mind racing.

Your words conquer all!!

The word future comes to mind, but do i trust it.

Can i trust my heart.

Full of pain and sadness and hurt.

Long to be relised from this torchur chamber called my mind.

My mind is scrambled and my brains are fried.

My teeth are in pain from grinding all night.

The past a joke.

The future unknown.

Unhappy inside, knowhere to go.

I love this warm feeling.

I cant i shouldnt hide.

I never thopught the word happiness would ever come to mind again.

And i fear it too, they will never see my tears.

Hiden under a mask, wanting the unknown.

But fear comes to mind.

They will never see my fear.

My Life..By: Shawna

Its hard to be a normal kid when you have the memories of an abusive friend.

As i drift away deeper and farther from this horrid world of hate and fear.

I take a dare hoping god will spare me from heaven or hell. As i take a leap off of the cliff of dispare.

Im tierd of all the memories and pain. I wish they would all drift away.

Its like im running in a fog. Dont know where im going. Im blind to my future and consumed by my past.

Unknown.By: Skilyn

There is no way i can explain my feelings.

Im all mixed up in my dreams.

Im a cutter dont know what to think.

Im a ticking bomb ready to go off any second!

Have no way of controlling myself.

I can feel my heart being crushed.

See my life flash before my eyes.

See all my horrible childhood memories.

I feel like i cant go on.

Unknown feelings.

Something you cant ignore.

If you try to hide it beneith the skin it will never let go.

WHY!!?!?! By: Lillith

Its times like these that make me wonder why.

Make me ask god why me?

Why this?

Making me think of why i still stick around for the unhappy ending i always seem to have.

Why im still on this earth.

why i still try.

Why i cant get up when i fall.

why i always fall.

why i always seem to fall for the wrong people at the wrong time.

why i think my time is running short.

why i always want to end it all.

i some times do not know why i didnt end it all a long time ago.

maybe its for the best or maybe not.

why always them?

help isnt helping anymore.

time is short for me.

why not end it all?

Only i can.

Never Leave... By: Shawna

When u look at me that way I melt. Ur eyes search my soul. I could drown in ur beautiful blue eyes. Ur lips as sweet as candy. Would do anything to feel it again... I would walk a thousand miles for u.. If u were to leave a piece of my heart would go w u but then there would be a hole in it then.. All my worries pains and sadness gose away when u sing.. I never want to see u leave.. Pls never go. Ill never find anyone like u again.. Ur amazing and u briten up my day when I see u.. Not sure what this all means.. U will always have a place in my heart....

Goddess. By: Shawna

My element fire is with u always now.. I feel as if we were connected some how. Ur skin is as white as snow.. Ur eyes as blue as the blue in the sunset.. Ur voice so powerful yet so soothing.. When u look at me ur eyes peirce my sole.. One look from u and I loose all controle. Im powerless in ur presence u see. U have the body of a goddess. Beautiful and complete..

Never Again! By:Lillith&Shawna

You were so not worth it.

I lost many good friends because of you.

Ive cried to many times and had my heart stomped on just as many by you.

You made my life fall apart.

I had to pick up my shattered heart and myself off the floor and put them back together again.

It was the worst two years ever.

Coming home with hickies all over you and telling me im seeing things.!!

Thanks for nothing.

I couldve been getting the lovin i diserve if i hadnt thought you loved me and that we could make it.

Im glad your gone.

Im glad ive found my solemate.

But i feel bad for all the girls you will hurt in the future.

Cause first it was your ex then me now her.

Its going to be the same story over and over again.

But im happy your gone.

Never again will you hurt me.

A Mask. By: Shawna & Skilyn

You make your face a mask.

A mask that hides your face.

A face that hides the pain.

A pain that eats your heart.

A heart that knowbody knows.

Under the mask that hides your face.

That hides the pain that knobody knows.

Is the scar from the sore,

that you hide with the mask,

that eats at your soul that knowbody knows.

I Want You...... By: Rayne

I see you in my dreams night after night.

Your eyes always glowing in the bright moon light.

I slide my fingers across your skin.

As you do mine.

It pains me so.

I wish we had more time.

My body longs for you, i know you want me.

My blood flows in the moonlight.

It looks black as night.

You taste my blood, it quenches your thirst. Just the sight of you drinking me makes me burst.

You make all my fanticies in my dreams come true.

My body is weak when i wake the next day.

You are always in my dreams.

Making me come making me scream

My Bloody Valintine By: Skilyn

Well hello old friend. How have you been? This picture i took just for you. Do you like it? Yes it is I. I'm in a tub, a tub full of blood from cutting my wrists just for you. I hope you like it. It is special just for you. Its a gift for Valentines day. I made your wish come true. I shall not bother you any more. Here's the deeds to my car, my life, my kids and my wife. Yes this present is for you. I hope you like it. Because you are the one who drove me to it. Happy Valentines day i wish you the best. I am out of your hair and off your chest. Please just live happy that is all that i want. All was forgiven when my heart stopped pumping. So blessed be the day i am no more. For what was wanted i granted it so. Happy Valentines Day.

Yearning.. By: Rayne

As i touch your soft skin. You tremble. You moan. I make you smile as i kiss from your neck to your belly button. I lick the sweet nectar of life from your neck, being ever so gentle but nibbling at the same time. I can hardly control myself at this point. I put my skin against your skin, body to body. I love how it feels! I feel the connection. I want to feel all of your body. I want all of your kisses. I want you NOW!!

Family..By: Shawna

I have a family that loves me. A lover who cares. I have a new father figure and he loves me like one of his own. i miss my puppy constantly. He is the light of my life. He follows me around day and night. and sleeps with me under the covers. And wakes up with good morning kisses. My mother is my hero. she is my everything and more. withought her i dont know where i would be today. I love her and wish i could sleep in her bed sometimes like i did when i was little. i love my family and they love me. =) 

The Need To Feed..By: Verin

The taste of it, it lingers. It tantilizes my taste buds. I love it, i want it, i need it more and more. The more i take the more they hurt. The hunger consumes me. The need to feed it fules my body and mind. I run i jump i kill my every find. Dont be scared dont be afraid thirst and the pain.  

Blood Tears..By: Skilyn

Im unhappy sad and dont know why. if there is a knight out there tonight would be the time. I need to fy away to an enchanted land. Where there are no tears in sight and happiness is all around. I cry and cry till my eyes start to bleed. But look now my arms are bleeding too. I cant sleep i cant eat. I miss the old me. But she is gone now. In the blood tears of the great red deep. 

About Me.....And the girls

My name is Shawna and im 23. I have Dissociative Identitiy Disorder. Currently at this time i have 9 other female's that come out from time to time and walk talk and do things through and in my own body.And when i come to i dont remember a thing that they have done. D.I.D. is the most severe form of multiple personality disorder there is out there. There have been cases of some people getting up to 100 to 200 diffrent (switches) or (alters) in there life time. Of coarse i wouldnt want that for myself but you cant ever stop a train from derailing when its already begun. In my case so far i only have women. In other cases the opposite sex meaning a female will get a male switch. There has been even been reported cases of people acting like animals or wild beasts. "switches" or "alters" have their own walk, way of speaking, gestures and diffrent way of presenting them selves. and believe me they all have their very own moods!  In these future blogs you will get to meet my switches up close and personal. Theres Lillith, Ski, Skilyn,Celyne,Ihs,Rayne,Verin,Jezebeth.And the 9th one has not said her name yet. Thats all 9 ladies. I hope you enjoy the intresting insite about me and them. Cause some of those girls can get pretty crazy! So sit back and enjoy.